Posts Tagged twin flames

We were at the Renaissance festival in Washington Gardens; a beautiful southern park which sits along the banks of the Intracoastal Waterway. A place where you could lay your blanket and picnic under the canopy of ancient oaks, as pods of dolphins breech the surface and play in the blue green waters just a few feet away; an enchanted place to say the least. He’d taken me there when we were dating, and we’d returned each year for the past thirteen.

I left him alone for a short span of time, as I made my way to the water’s edge, to capture the moment in photos. Upon my return I noticed a woman sitting on our blanket beside him. I stopped for moment, observing them from afar; their conversation lively, their body language a little too familiar; the feeling in my belly an unwelcome one.

I approached slowly, and as if he felt my presence upon them, looked up and briefly met my eyes. She was mid-conversation, enthusiastically laughing and jovially pushing her body into his. I approached and politely said, “Excuse me, but I believe this seat is already taken.”

Her head shot around quickly, my words obviously startling her. Her eyes met mine and held them, filled with defiance and challenge, as if I should dare interrupt whatever was happening between them. I turned my gaze toward my husband, who had averted my eyes and was now looking toward the ground; a cowards stance, in every sense.

I took a deep breath as I drank her in completely; noting her age, far more advance than mine, the black leather vest and matching boots. Her jewelry was cheap and distasteful, hair poorly dyed, straight and stringy; her make-up outdated and haphazardly applied. A tawdry tramp if ever I’d seen one. And still she did not flinch. In fact, she leaned into him further; her hand wrapped around his forearm, offering support or protection, I couldn’t be certain; but refusing to relinquish her man nonetheless.

And in that moment, I was sickened and saddened; knowing full well that all was over. Not angry that he had met a woman with whom he connected on every level, but saddened and unable to believe that after the years we had spent that it should come to a close in deafening silence. I thought perhaps by now, he knew me well enough to know that my mind and heart are open and receptive to not only change, but the staunch belief that life is too precious to waste.

I walked to the edge of the blanket, slipped on my sandals, picked up my bag; and though my words were mounting into what would surely be an unpleasant eruption, I fought them with every ounce of my being and left them in silence.

My heart threatened to explode from my chest, my hands trembled and my legs were unsteady, but I squared my shoulders and held my head high, as I made my way toward the path; an unfamiliar path whose direction I hadn’t a clue, but vowed to follow even in this darkest hour.

I made it to the opposite end of the park then was forced to stop and steady myself against a tree. I took a deep breath, fighting back the tears; then suddenly I heard his voice, calling out to me from the distance, and before I knew it, his arms were embracing me…

“Baby, you slept through the alarm,” he whispered into my ear, as he nuzzled his face in my neck, pressing his warm, naked flesh against mine.

Dear Veronica Lake,

The truth of us.

Something you believe only the two of you share; yet something we’ve all been forced to wonder about. We too had a truth in an airport, he and I; just as he had truths made up of lies with a plethora of intelligent, creative, beautiful, loving, soulful women; all of which were spoon-fed the exact same line, differing only slightly, as the situation, circumstance and female heart warranted.

At this point, you refuse to believe that which your mind has forced you to wonder of; as your heart precariously dangles by a soul string. Wanting so much to believe that he is who he says, that YOU are the twin of his flame, the mate of his soul and yours is the only connection that is real and matters. Refusing to believe that what you shared during your time together meant nothing, when it meant and still means, absolutely everything to you.

Finally realizing, for the first time in your life, since your karmic connection, that YASS, this is the way it was intended. Finally another soul on earth, who understands you like none other. No judgments; just complete, unconditional acceptance and love. Exactly what you always knew, in the depths of your soul, love was supposed to be. Every wasted moment and past mistake leading to this crossroad that brought the two of you together….

Ignoring the red flags, due to his lifetime membership within the upper echelons of intelligencia. Stories of his dysfunctional and abusive childhood, which as a mother you can surely sympathize. His self-destructive pain and angst, leading him to long for death; his only comfort found within darkness’ welcome embrace; singing always that sweet song of stygian.

Believing in your heart that your love for him can and will make a difference; that happiness can be found and shared, if only he would allow himself to trust, believe and take your hand. At this point, your perception of your own reality so skewed that you know for certain the only way to survive this life is with him by your side.

Wake up, love. This isn’t a classic movie you’re starring in; this is your life you’re allowing him to fuck with. There’s an antidote for those of us who have been infected with this disease; the first step is realizing you want and need to be cured.

The sooner you realize that there is no truth where the Hyena is concerned and the only reason he will ever come back is if there is something he needs from you, which he cannot provide for himself; the better off you and yours will be.

The only way to get back to living is by killing the Hyena. He must become dead to you in order to see and accept the truth; the only truth there is of him. The one too many of us have come to know…

Dearest Ophelia,

Forgive my delayed response; not for lack of trying, but it seemed as if each time I sat to pen my reply, something or someone needed my immediate attention. I’m sure you understand and can relate.

You asked if you are allowed to be this happy…not only are you “allowed,” but you deserve such happiness. Everything in life happens for a reason, of that there can be no doubt. Every path we choose, every road we travel, will eventually lead us to the place we are supposed to be. But it is up to us, to have our eyes open and recognize that place when presented to us. It appears you have done just that.

Yes, Ophelia, there will be times when you feel as if the separation will bring about your undoing, but this will only strengthen your bond and aide your determination in bringing to fruition that day when you are no longer forced to leave each others side; a day, I must say, that has been long in coming.

From the beginning…

How clearly I remember; how I longed to experience that love which you found; how many years and miles I had to travel to find it; and the devastation you felt when it abruptly ended. No words or actions could comfort, or take away the pain that assaulted and threatened to consume. But even then, I did not believe it was over; nor did you. Women’s intuition so finely tuned, at such young ages.

Never second-guess your self, Ophelia; and never let it be said that true love does not overcome and conquer all. I’ll await your reply and be with you every step of your journey; whenever you need or want me there.

In peace and love,
Anastasia

Dearest Ophelia,

It has been so long since we sat and talked. There once was a time; long, long ago, when there was nothing we didn’t share. Two young girls; hearts brimming with hopes, dreams and silly fears, of that which was unknown; much that we only imagined, some truths that even now are difficult to comprehend; but still, here we are; all these years later, reaching out and connecting. Confidences shared, vulnerabilities exposed, trusts forged; and life goes on.

I must confess that I often miss those days of youthful innocence, but treasure the memory of them always. And so it was with abundant respect that I accepted your news of this second chance of which you spoke; with such heartfelt joy that it leapt from the page and struck my own soul.

For I too know about second chances, am well versed in affairs of the heart; and can tell you with complete and utter certainty that soul mates and twin flames do, indeed, exist.

Your happiness is such that you spend every waking moment in a state of euphoria; counting the moments until you can be together again. The wait is agony, yet such sweet suffering it is; for you know what awaits you and how far you have traveled to finally meet at this crossroad once more.

There are times when you fight sleep; unable to bear the pain of such missing, during your hours of slumber; and at others, you cannot wait to rest your head, close your eyes with the memory of him fresh in your mind, the scent of him still lingering; recounting every second spent, ever word spoken, every touch and caress; given and felt; knowing full well that you will find him in your dreams.

Ah, yes, how well I know this love you speak of. Having rejoiced and basked in its eternal promise; suffered and sacrificed to attain that which I needed more than my next breath. Knowing full well that should it ever cease to exist, so would life as I had come to know it. The pain, the torment, the agony and the angst; diffused completely by a single embrace.

But I warn you, dearest Ophelia, that second chances are not for the faint of heart. Most will never know the meaning of true love; cannot fathom that somewhere on this earth there is a twin that completes and makes us whole. And so, if a second chance, by fates hand be granted, you must grasp it with every ounce of your being and be mindful to wrap with ties that bind, but never constrict.

There will be those who scoff and scorn; will bring up past mistakes; of yours, his and those you made together, when the ignorance of youth was all you knew and held you under its wicked spell. Know that such negativity is not given out of love, but is born of pure, unadulterated jealousy. Resentful and loathing of you, are they; because you have found and accepted that which they know not the meaning of.

Take heed, Ophelia, when I tell you that there are those who would rather see you suffer as they, than rejoice and share in your happiness. They may not even be consciously aware of their actions; and so it is up to you to proceed with eyes wide open; armed and ready, to battle for that which your heart does know.

I leave you with my blessing and full support. Go now, to the man of your dreams; the keeper of the key, that fits the lock you fastened tightly around your heart. Trust your intuition, your inner voice; make every moment count and live your life with him well.

In light,
Anastasia

She rushes the stage, long after the last curtain call; hoping for one final dramatic and theatrical appearance; playing to an audience of one. One lone soul sitting quietly in the front row, watching the pitiful performance play itself out; for all others have already gone.

As a woman she understands and sympathizes; the loss, the need, the wanting so much to believe. As his woman, she spreads and reads the cards; the deck full of their truth, their oneness, their past, present and future; so tightly bound as to leave no room for uncertainty or doubt.

As a critic she grows bored; the storyline weak, holding no merit, ineffectual and quite frankly lacking in talent and verve. Its time to leave the stage dear – this theatre now closed.

She thought she was dying; the pain, that excruciating; the anxiety and nausea overwhelming; and the sweats; god, the sweats; unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. After twenty-four hours of suffering, she finally called her doctor and made an appointment. He examined her thoroughly, while running through the typical barrage of questions in an attempt to pinpoint a diagnosis, but kept coming to the same inconclusive end.

She asked about psychic intrusion, as there was an intense ethereal element to what was happening to her – not to mention the fact that she believed she’d recently met the mate of her soul. He looked at her like she’d lost her mind and immediately checked her chart; asking if the Zoloft was still working for her. She knew it would be futile to continue along those lines; remembering a time when she could come to him with anything; and he listened. She was suddenly saddened at the fact that he’d allowed the years and the industry to stifle his open-mindedness; and so she dropped it.

He sent her on her way with a prescription for something to ease the cramps and nausea; telling her that if the symptoms didn’t go away in a few days to call back and he’d schedule “some tests.”

The medication didn’t work, and by the end of the second day she was so weak and exhausted that she couldn’t even entertain the thought of getting up and going anywhere; and so she suffered through; resting during those times when the torturous symptoms faded; knowing she’d need every ounce of strength and energy, should they come back. And so they did; over and over and over again…

It was the end of the third day; the worst by far; she was beginning to wonder if maybe she should have called 911 and been admitted to the nearest hospital, but something inside – way down deep at the core of her being – made her believe that whatever was happening to her, needed to reach fruition.

She’d lost all concept of time; completely consumed; fading in and out of consciousness; fearing she were about to die; when he came softly; riding the last painful tide.

She recognized him immediately; The Ancient One – her Native spirit guide; the wise one who travels between time; and suddenly all was calm.

She felt the warmth of the fire, whose flames danced in the darkened sky. She smelled the sweet smoke that he cupped in his hands and poured over her weary head. “You have done well my child – now you must rest.”

“What’s happening to me,” she whispered. “Shhh…don’t speak…listen” She closed her eyes; falling helplessly into a sublime state of relaxation; concentrating on nothing but the sound of his voice; his words weaving images that filled her completely.

“You have been in the Dark Night of the Soul; a spiritual transformation; one that empties you completely; physically – emotionally – mentally and spiritually; a test of your spirit upon meeting your other half.” She stirred restlessly upon hearing the words “other half,” but he quickly settled her and continued.

He spoke of Soul Mates and Twin Flames; the difference being that we can have multiple soul mates; those we have many lifetimes and experiences with, who help us grow and evolve; creating and dissipating karma; but as for a Twin Flame, each of us having but one; the soul splitting; each half going their own way; incarnating several times, as they gather human experiences before reuniting in their last lifetime; the release of creative energy, to be used for their spiritual mission; the ultimate goal being that they may ascend together; the twin soul connection; two people connected by soul; connected to God.

“This will be the most fulfilling relationship you can enter into as a human; a rarity not to be taken lightly; more intense than any other union; a love so unconditional, as to be Divine; existing on all levels, but beginning at the level of the soul. There can be nothing between you to block the closeness, when in the presence of your twin.”

“How will I know if it’s really him?” she asked; his soft laughter lulling her deeper into the infinite abyss. “This meeting will be so life-changing and profound that such a question need not be asked; a union guaranteeing a deeper connection and understanding of Universal Oneness; but make no mistake, my child; the challenge will come in loving unconditionally, without expectation; your longing and desire to be with one another overwhelming; but over time you will come to understand that this longing is to join with the Divine; as two halves of the greater whole.” She smiled in quiet contemplation; believing for the first time, in miracles.

“There will be much work, in cleansing your karmic pasts; this task which must be completed together, will bring challenges that force you to grow and heal; mentally, physically and spiritually; while you learn to see beyond your physical limitations, ego, and time itself. Your intense desire will drive you toward one common goal; to be the absolute best manifestation of your spirit on earth; tested by fire – enduring beyond all time and space.”

She returned to the material world; forever changed; seeing and experiencing life in a whole new and different way; the possibilities suddenly endless; imagination limitless; her pain and pleasure no longer hers alone; enmeshed and reunited with her one Twin Soul.

And so begins the story of Archibald and Clarissa…

She desperately needed to know the why of it all – contemplated for days and nights on end – reaching inside, re-examining everything she knew of her true self, the life she’d lived to this point, and what little she knew of him. The process exhausting, as she traveled the outer limits, pushing herself farther than she’d ever gone – searching for reason, but finding only one truth; a truth whose acceptance could quite possibly lead to insurmountable consequences; a truth she could no more deny than the stars in the southern sky; a truth she’d been seeking the whole of her life; a truth that renewed her faith in God; a truth that made every moment of suffering worthwhile; a truth so enigmatic that a lifetime of anguish and shattered dreams suddenly made absolute and perfect sense – as the road leading to such ethereal bliss, could be lined with nothing less.

A wanderer she has always been – sometimes lost, sometimes not – but searching nonetheless – for the missing portion that would connect the other half of the whole – bringing sanctity, completing her.

This void she has always been aware – an emptiness which lingered in the depths of her soul, leaving her longing for fulfillment she always believed possible, but still had never known. Reaching the point in wondering if the search were all for naught – until he crossed the bounds of time, making his presence known.

Who was this handsome stranger come knocking at her door – another lonely drifter seeking comfort in her words? A vagabond, a guru, a gypsy, a tramp – she tried to push him from her mind, but her spirit cried, alas!

Something so familiar in his essence did linger – she took a stroll inside his mind, in an instant knowing they were two-of-a-kind – and still her mind would not let her believe. For too many had attempted to travel that path, claiming their connection in a fictional past.

Three simple words, “Who are you” – and suddenly visions came rushing back. Knowing with clear certainty he cannot be an illusion – for life surely could not deal so cruel a trick – not to have been carried this far, for so very long, within the depths of her heart.

Onto this path she willingly stumbles, grasping for whatever shred he will give – vowing to hold strong and not lose him again. For her heart could not withstand the loss of him twice – not in this lifetime – this world, or the next…