Posts Tagged thoughts

I was that girl of the water, of which you spoke; though it wasn’t until later in life that I learned how to actually flow. Much of my youth was spent swimming and fighting against the raging tide. I still bear scars from being thrashed to the bottom by the undercurrent; battle scars of lessons learned, life lived, discoveries made and mistakes overcome.

I never wanted to have children, for the simple fact that I believed the world to be too cruel a place. God had other plans; casting upon and within me, a new life that most certainly saved my own. From that moment, life as I knew it was forever changed; and I realized what a beautiful and glorious place the world truly is; that it’s the people within that are ugly and cruel; those who refuse, or are simply blinded by the illusion of this corporeal world, to see the true magic that surrounds them.

And so for the past eleven years, I have nurtured, cherished and shared my self and my world with my child, and while I will protect him till the end, I will never stifle or try to control the person he is; the little man he has been since day one. For he came to me an old soul, quite set in his ways already; no doubt ready to elevate to the highest plane of existence once his time here is done; teaching me as much about life, love, living, the human condition and compassion than I ever learned on my own.

While he most certainly was a gift given by God, I know that he is not mine to keep, and so inasmuch as it is my responsibility to prepare him for the trials and tribulations of life, provide him with all the necessary tools to grow and flourish into the man I know he will one day become; I have only asked, and will ever ask, but one thing of him; that is to be true to himself.

Thank you for your words that brought me to this place. I needed to be here more than you can possibly know.

Peace,
Jill

One could safely say that the foundation of my world is built on words. More than mere combinations of letters that form individual, miscellaneous words; but rather thought-filled, provoking, emotion-packed messages; extracted from the depths of my soul; each exuding the essence of my very being.

In the past nine years, since I began writing professionally, I have touched the lives of countless people I have never met, people I will never know; forging a connection over time and distance, sharing the common thread that is this human experience; the basic nature of our current existence.

I have received multiple literary awards for my fiction and poetry; awards I am extremely proud of, but at the time believed I was not worthy of; this appreciation has come with experience and maturity; and in the realization that by casting my soul into the universe in the form of words, I can leave my own personal mark; an endless mark that ripples into infinity.

I am more than the title of my current position, more than the words that make up my name suggest, more than my family sees me as, more than most people will ever take the time to come to know. I do not base my worth on material possessions, the number of books that I sell, or my yearly income.

I am a spiritual being, living a temporary human existence. I know for certain that life continues after the body ceases to function and perishes. I also have a keen sense of the duality of good and evil that lurks in the soul of every human being. A gift that I once considered a curse; of seeing through the façade, and past the veil that reveals the true nature of the human soul.

In all my years of living and experience, it never ceases to amaze, the unsuspecting packages in which wickedness is disguised. The innocence that orchestrates the deception and the insecurity that drives it all.

My word of the day is Slander. One that holds powerful meaning with devastating consequences. One in which I believe some could benefit by acquainting themselves more intimately with…

Slander
slan⋅der  /ˈslændər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [slan-der] –
noun
1. defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.
2. a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.
3. Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.

–verb (used with object) 4. to utter slander against; defame.
–verb (used without object) 5. to utter or circulate slander.

Origin:
1250–1300; (n.) ME s(c)laundre < AF esclaundre, OF esclandre, alter. of escandle < LL scandalum cause of offense, snare (see scandal ); (v.) ME s(c)laundren to cause to lapse morally, bring to disgrace, discredit, defame < OF esclandrer, deriv. of esclandre

Related forms:
slan⋅der⋅er, noun
slan⋅der⋅ing⋅ly, adverb
slan⋅der⋅ous, adjective
slan⋅der⋅ous⋅ly, adverb
slan⋅der⋅ous⋅ness, noun

Synonyms:
4. malign, vilify, revile.

Taillights dissolve

Nineteen hundred
Eighty seven
Miles
On the road
Slaying ghosts

Emotion in Motion

Fourteen hours of endless highway
Thoughts ticking down the miles
The journey is over
Darkness calls
Spirit settles
I am done…

I feel for her.
Sort of.
Maybe not so much.
I want to warn her.
Sometimes.
Never mind.
Let her learn the hard way.
Would do no good anyway.
Earn her badge among the ranks.
Ugly scars like the rest of us wear.
Or rather wore, I should say.
Mine are gone now.
How about yours?

It’s like an alternate universe
One that makes my skin crawl
Though I know it shouldn’t
Still I can’t help my self

Littered with the the dregs of society
And side show carnival freaks
Where the Twilight Zone meets the Dark Side
It’s the Boulevard of the Bizarre

Don’t know where they come from
Where they’re going
Where they’ve been
Diseased crack whores on every corner
Physically deformed driving wheelchairs like cars

Mentally disabled talking to street signs
Blind men hanging onto bus stop posts
Doctors behind the wheels of Mercedes’
Staring blindly straight ahead

Maneuvering to my destination
Trying desperately not to cringe
I know I shouldn’t feel this way
But somehow I can’t help my self

What if one of them were Jesus
Or all in the image of Him
Is this really someone I want to meet
Are these thoughts considered sin

So tired of people…

Screaming for love
When there’s no love
In them

Crying foul
When they cheat
At every turn

Pointing a finger
Casting the
Blame

Refusing to take
Responsibility
For actions all
Their own

Refusing or
Unable

A sure sign
Of the true
Make-up

Is it any
Wonder
I chose this
Path of
Darkness

Blinded by the
Light
When true colors
Are revealed

She undressed her mind and succumbed to the illusion of what might have lifetimes ago been; the fantasy of what the future could be, dancing in delight to the fanciful notion that momentarily was.

Ample time has passed; necessary to digest, dissect, research and analyze. Emotion in check, clear vision and intent; time to put pen to paper and do what she does best.

And so she sits back, in that quiet cafe; lights dim, music soothing, fire crackling, espresso steaming; vintage fountain pen in hand, leather-bound hand tooled journal in her lap; where she will tell her tale, weave the spell, cast a light into the face of madness once again.

Musing at the lengths she sometimes goes; to snag a soul in wandering flight, reel in gently so as to cause no harm, and extract the story that lingers within; waiting to be set free, for the world to see; page after page, just as it should be.

Sitting in the dark
Listening to silence
Lights from the Christmas tree
Illuminating the room

Phone rings
Sweet
Hello

Breakfast bar
Bellies
Full

Grandma’s car
Speaker
Phone

Check balance
Papa’s
Giftcards

Giggling girls
Sitting
Waiting

Aunt Jilly
So
Silly

Mimicking voices
Burping
Crapola

Searching site
Highspeed
Internet

Laughing still
Singing
Jingle-bells

Balances checked
Twenty-five
Ten

Unknown lingo
Venti
Bold

Bye Aunt-Jilly
Gotta
Go

Drop-off babies
Starbucks
Ho