Wandering thoughts
Leading deeper
Endless hours
Pass by idle

Tears born of
Frustration
Wanting so much
To believe

While truths falsities
Ebb and flow
Raging as the sea

To shed tears of happiness
Heart swollen with joy
From the gift of truth
Another should bestow

But what illusions spring
From a bounty of words
While reading the pages
Of one’s very soul

A beacon in the darkness
Wrapping round the heart
Come to life on a virtual page

Where freedom is found
Chained spirits do soar
And the abyss calls you
By name

My loathing
Wouldn’t run
So
Deep

An advertisement for acclaimed feature films that grabbed my attention. And so I began to browse the images of the available DVD’s. It was a strange, almost eerie image that I was drawn to; the silhouette of a horse with its head in a downward position and something unidentifiable in the one visible eye; the word ZOO typed beside it.

I went online and did a search for the movie trailer. Upon closer examination of the movie poster, it appeared to be the bust of a naked man reflected in the horses eye, but I couldn’t make it out for certain. Then I began to read the blurb and immediately wished that I had never received the catalog, as I read about the feature length documentary that focuses on a man who died and his group of friends in Washington State who call themselves the Zoo; partaking and video taping their acts of zoophilia with the stallions; having chosen this particular farm, due to the fact that there are no state laws against having sex with animals.

“JESUS CHRIST,” I heard my self say aloud, just as the darkness came crashing down.

I know you feel the weight of my heavy, saddened heart, laden with complete and utter disgust.; but do you hear the sound, of my wounded soul weeping; for my self and all of mankind?

What comfort can you offer, in light of such abomination; vile, shameful, detestable acts; exploited documentary style, romanticized by critics, that I have unwillingly become privy to this night?

There are moments we live that stay with us forever; traces we’ll carry into the ether. There are sights and sounds and things we witness, that leave such an impression, we are changed forever.

I fear the mark made on my psyche and soul, will remain a permanent stain that will never fade away. And there is no understanding, no wanting of reason; just pure abhorrent evil, the only conclusion, to why man could do such things.

And I wonder why, such pathetic beings, are given life in the first place. Allowed to breath and breed right along side us.

My instinct is to hide. To take my child and run as far from mankind as we can possibly get. But I no longer believe there is a safe place, for we are surrounded at all times, each and every day of our lives.

Yesterday the headlines. Today this. I cannot help but wonder, what message the universe is trying to send me, by blinding me with this darkness.

DEAR GOD…won’t you please deliver us from this evil?

An advertisement for acclaimed feature films that grabbed my attention. And so I began to browse the images of the available DVD’s. It was a strange, almost eerie image that I was drawn to; the silhouette of a horse with its head in a downward position and something unidentifiable in the one visible eye; the word ZOO typed beside it.

I went online and did a search for the movie trailer. Upon closer examination of the movie poster, it appeared to be the bust of a naked man reflected in the horses eye, but I couldn’t make it out for certain. Then I began to read the blurb and immediately wished that I had never received the catalog, as I read about the feature length documentary that focuses on a man who died and his group of friends in Washington State who call themselves the Zoo; partaking and video taping their acts of zoophilia with the stallions; having chosen this particular farm, due to the fact that there are no state laws against having sex with animals.

“JESUS CHRIST,” I heard my self say aloud, just as the darkness came crashing down.

I know you feel the weight of my heavy, saddened heart, laden with complete and utter disgust.; but do you hear the sound, of my wounded soul weeping; for my self and all of mankind?

What comfort can you offer, in light of such abomination; vile, shameful, detestable acts; exploited documentary style, romanticized by critics, that I have unwillingly become privy to this night?

There are moments we live that stay with us forever; traces we’ll carry into the ether. There are sights and sounds and things we witness, that leave such an impression, we are changed forever.

I fear the mark made on my psyche and soul, will remain a permanent stain that will never fade away. And there is no understanding, no wanting of reason; just pure abhorrent evil, the only conclusion, to why man could do such things.

And I wonder why, such pathetic beings, are given life in the first place. Allowed to breath and breed right along side us.

My instinct is to hide. To take my child and run as far from mankind as we can possibly get. But I no longer believe there is a safe place, for we are surrounded at all times, each and every day of our lives.

Yesterday the headlines. Today this. I cannot help but wonder, what message the universe is trying to send me, by blinding me with this darkness.

DEAR GOD…won’t you please deliver us from this evil?

With old patterns faltering in the wake of time, serving him less and less; desperation creeps, then slowly sets in.

Searching for something real to cling to; in a world of illusion and cheap parlor tricks; of which he created and has always dwelled.

Better to be an imaginary somebody, than a real no body; his platform, his soapbox, his mission, his salvation.

Spewing his gospel as weightless as smoke rings, growing bored with his half dozen converts; unable to stroke his monstrous ego; he sees only one place left to go.

One soul he touched. Upon a time was touched by. He refuses to release and let go. Disguised as forgiveness, he sets about his mission; back to the only arms left, that wait wide open.

Naïve and weak, yet privy to his ways; a masochist for certain, to take him back in. She is not the reason, but merely a convenience. Providing him shelter, buying him time; bringing him closer to where he believes salvation resides.

The beautiful butterfly, with delicate wings; once so fragile, easily ravaged; consumes his thoughts, still rules his darkness; and so true to predator form, of which he will always be, he sets about stalking, making connections; broadcasting his relation, as if guaranteeing him a position. Wasting time, sniffing and searching; for the butterfly has morphed, long ago taken flight.

And so time ticks on, for this wasted life; over educated and under achieved. When he could have soared to the greatest of heights; been a true inspiration, perhaps a revered master. But the only expertise, he can lay claim in the end; is leaving a trail of pain, in the wake of his disaster.

It has been so long since we sat and talked. There once was a time; long, long ago, when there was nothing we didn’t share. Two young girls; hearts brimming with hopes, dreams and silly fears, of that which was unknown; much that we only imagined, some truths that even now are difficult to comprehend; but still, here we are; all these years later, reaching out and connecting. Confidences shared, vulnerabilities exposed, trusts forged; and life goes on.

I must confess that I often miss those days of youthful innocence, but treasure the memory of them always. And so it was with abundant respect that I accepted your news of this second chance of which you spoke; with such heartfelt joy that it leapt from the page and struck my own soul.

For I too know about second chances, am well versed in affairs of the heart; and can tell you with complete and utter certainty that soul mates and twin flames do, indeed, exist.

Your happiness is such that you spend every waking moment in a state of euphoria; counting the moments until you can be together again. The wait is agony, yet such sweet suffering it is; for you know what awaits you and how far you have traveled to finally meet at this crossroad once more.

There are times when you fight sleep; unable to bear the pain of such missing, during your hours of slumber; and at others, you cannot wait to rest your head, close your eyes with the memory of him fresh in your mind, the scent of him still lingering; recounting every second spent, ever word spoken, every touch and caress; given and felt; knowing full well that you will find him in your dreams.

Ah, yes, how well I know this love you speak of. Having rejoiced and basked in its eternal promise; suffered and sacrificed to attain that which I needed more than my next breath. Knowing full well that should it ever cease to exist, so would life as I had come to know it. The pain, the torment, the agony and the angst; diffused completely by a single embrace.

But I warn you, dearest Ophelia, that second chances are not for the faint of heart. Most will never know the meaning of true love; cannot fathom that somewhere on this earth there is a twin that completes and makes us whole. And so, if a second chance, by fates hand be granted, you must grasp it with every ounce of your being and be mindful to wrap with ties that bind, but never constrict.

There will be those who scoff and scorn; will bring up past mistakes; of yours, his and those you made together, when the ignorance of youth was all you knew and held you under its wicked spell. Know that such negativity is not given out of love, but is born of pure, unadulterated jealousy. Resentful and loathing of you, are they; because you have found and accepted that which they know not the meaning of.

Take heed, Ophelia, when I tell you that there are those who would rather see you suffer as they, than rejoice and share in your happiness. They may not even be consciously aware of their actions; and so it is up to you to proceed with eyes wide open; armed and ready, to battle for that which your heart does know.

I leave you with my blessing and full support. Go now, to the man of your dreams; the keeper of the key, that fits the lock you fastened tightly around your heart. Trust your intuition, your inner voice; make every moment count and live your life with him well.

In light,
Anastasia

I never understood how it was that he could wake up in such a foul mood. Before his feet even hit the floor he was growling at the world; as if being given another day was somehow a curse he was forced to endure. He loathed life; I truly believe that now, and no matter what I said or did to try to make his world a better place, it only seemed to make it worse.

I think over time he came to loathe me as well; for wanting to see the good in people, being satisfied with the simple things in life, seeing beauty in the world around me, for refusing to wallowing with him in hate and despair; and for eventually realizing enough was enough and moving on with my life.

I’m so grateful that chapter of my life is over…

Taken them too, her words, her solace; left her in the dark, stumbling with nothing. Her only reprieve found in the witching hour, knowing that after midnight they would forever be the same; left in loneliness to suffer fates pain.