I feel him pulling
Moving away
Gently he slips
In directions
Opposite me

Testing his wings
Determined and courageous
The look in his eyes
Reveals fear of
Full flight

No longer
My little boy
Always my baby

No matter how
Far from me
The universe
Takes him

Of typical concern
My own human flaws
Hoping my guidance
Has properly prepared him

I never wanted to have children, for the simple fact that I believed the world to be too cruel a place. God had other plans; casting upon and within me, a new life that most certainly saved my own. From that moment, life as I knew it was forever changed; and I realized what a beautiful and glorious place the world truly is; that it’s the people within that are ugly and cruel; those who refuse, or are simply blinded by the illusion of this corporeal world, to see the true magic that surrounds them.

And so for the past eleven years, I have nurtured, cherished and shared my self and my world with my child, and while I will protect him till the end, I will never stifle or try to control the person he is; the little man he has been since day one. For he came to me an old soul, quite set in his ways already; no doubt ready to elevate to the highest plane of existence once his time here is done; teaching me as much about life, love, living, the human condition and compassion than I ever learned on my own.

While he most certainly was a gift given by God, I know that he is not mine to keep, and so inasmuch as it is my responsibility to prepare him for the trials and tribulations of life, provide him with all the necessary tools to grow and flourish into the man I know he will one day become; I have only asked, and will ever ask, but one thing of him; that is to be true to himself.

Thank you for your words that brought me to this place. I needed to be here more than you can possibly know.

Peace,
Jill

102 in the shade
Suffocating humidity
No breeze to speak of
All those gathered
Dressed in black

Mourning the loss
Young life wasted
Blood and tears pouring
Tragically taken

Listening through the wall
Razors trembling fingers
As her mother fucked
Yet another unknown stranger

The warning signs
Flashing neon
Young voice hoarse
Screaming out for help

But she had no interest
In playing mother
Too busy living
Her own lost youth

The belle of the ball
Life’s ongoing party
Of superficial friends
Hookups and hangovers

Standing at the graveside
Pounding in her head
Fist full of dirt
Her only child dead

He was filled with excitement the moment I woke him, and couldn’t wait to tell me about his dream. He saw Sadie (piggy) last night – played with her, pet her – and she was healthy, happy and glad to see him. She licked his hand and he could feel her warm tongue, wet with doggie slobber and her sleek back fur smooth as silk – suddenly his grief was gone.

He’d told me just two days ago, between tearful sobs that he was having a hard time remembering her, the way she was before she got sick. Now he remembers – and although he still misses her, he knows she’s better there than here.

We were brushing our teeth, side-by-side when I felt the urge to share. “You know what dreams are, don’t you?” he looked at me but didn’t answer, toothbrush frozen in place, waiting for me to continue, as he knew immediately this was going to be good.

“When we dream we’re in an altered state of consciousness and sometimes, when we reach a certain level, our spirits are able to detach themselves from our bodies and travel to other dimensions and realms of existence.” His eyes lit up and he quickly finished brushing and spit, wanting to hear more – our eyes fixed in the mirror.

“If we’re real lucky we remember the experience when we wake. When a dream is so vivid and clear and you just know in your heart that it was real – those are memories of our journey we took in spirit, when our bodies were so deep in rest that we were able to detach and travel to other worlds.” His response….

“And when you’re asleep, and feel like you’re falling and your body jerks real hard – I bet that’s when your spirit goes back in your body.”

Ah, my Son – my beautiful, brilliant, soulful boy…how proud I am, you haven’t a clue!

He hugged me hard and into my breast whispered, “I love you, mama, more than anything in the world!” I looked down into his face that so much resembles mine as to frighten me sometimes, into crystal blue eyes that have seen a thousand lifetimes and said, “You do know that we’re not human beings that have spiritual experiences from time-to time – but that we’re spiritual beings, having a temporary human experience?”

He looked at me and smiled, his expression saying, duh mama, and said, “I know. I try to tell my friends that all the time, but they don’t listen.”

I laughed in delighted bliss, for I couldn’t help myself and told him not to fret – that he can’t expect the average ten year old mind to grasp such a concept. He shook his head, “Yeah, I know, but maybe one day they’ll get it!”