Monthly Archives: October 2008

Witching Hour

31 October 2008

She sat in darkness before a blank screen; mind numb from endless thoughts turning, as her entire world had become since his departure. Her abysmal writing proof that mediocrity is alive and well in a world that has forgotten what great literature is about; his words slashing like swords, haunting her day and night, blocking the flow she had come to count on.

Taken them too, her words, her solace; left her in the dark, stumbling with nothing. Her only reprieve found in the witching hour, knowing that after midnight they would forever be the same; left in loneliness to suffer fates pain.

sixguiness

30 October 2008

He offered up a quote, a less cynical Goethe; about noble men, helpful and good; set apart from every other creature on earth; and while she appreciated the gesture, she found no comfort in the words; for cynical is the heart, having been given and held, then without warning viscously broken and bled; at the hand of a madman with no conscience to speak of.

quote of the day

29 October 2008

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”

~Goethe

The power of words

28 October 2008

Her mind overflowed with thoughts of him, as she woke to face another day; fragments from dreams, carried into consciousness; longing so intense it made her weep. Moments of certainty, clarity and light, clutched at her heart like a constricting vice; then shadowed suddenly, as cruel words came back to haunt her; the end relived, mocked by his meanness.

Feeling numb, longing for darkness, she stumbled upon words that shifted her perception…

“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered” ~Morton Kondrake

Alsyna

26 October 2008

She appeared out of nowhere at the stroke of midnight, as if having emerged from within the lake; a mirage of convenience, claiming to possess the key to get me back into the kingdom. Clearly taken aback at my hesitation, she promised to lead the entire way; guiding and navigating, until I found my self once more in the fold; where she swore I belonged, where she knew I wanted to be.

I considered her proposition momentarily, but in the end decided it just wasn’t worth the wasted time and emotion, not to mention that of the pain. No, there was no going back, not now that I’d come so far; perhaps for some this was the answer, but not for me; not any more.

Too many lifetimes spent built on lies; having had my fill of traditional thinking. Not quite certain what the answer yet is, but refusing to go back to the way it was; with so-called doctors all harboring god-complexes, anxious to get their hands on you; fuck with your head, dredge up the past, reduce you to rubble and call it healing.

“Ah, but you run in circles inside your mind; thoughts that won’t stop, driving you blind; and still you keep running, closer to the edge, you won’t slow and yet you refuse to look back. Don’t you see what you’re doing, lost in this maze; it’s quite clear you’re holding out hope, for a miracle or a sage; perhaps a keen philosopher to enlighten as you find your way…”

I held up my hand and told her to “Stop!”

Enough I’ve had of fools and sages, and let us not forget wanna-be revolutionary thinkers; doing nothing but rehashing and pondering the thoughts of other great minds; having no faith, no ability to love, nor the courage to grasp that which is their own; far too busy obsessing the condition of life, listening to the voices that haunt their own minds; not giving a damn, or too self-absorbed to recognize, the damage caused in the wake of self-fulfilling process.

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m doing okay; certain even that one day I’ll again find my way; without the influence, guidance or interference of another. Now if you don’t mind, please return to the lake, leave me in peace and don’t again show your face.”

Shrouded in a veil of mist, Alsyna vanished just as quickly as she appeared. I turned to make my way back toward the cabin, when something on the ground shimmered and caught my attention. I walked slowly to the waters edge, bent to retrieve the item off the ground; only to find myself standing in the moonlight, with an all-too-real key resting in my hand…

cobblestone and espresso

25 October 2008

Angular parking along cobbled streets, trucks as far as the eye can see; and a midnight blue minivan nestled in the mix, belonging to the mysterious hippie-chick; observing for weeks as she sits in lone silence; the stranger with the face slowly coming familiar.

Friendly people acknowledging, as they pass her by, all smiling and wishing her to have a nice day; wondering of her ritual that never waivers; steaming espresso, four cigarettes, seemingly disinterested as she writes in her notebook.

Trying to calm the waters that rush under her bridge, musing as the waiter delivers carafe’s of hot coffee. Little birds chirp, singing for crumbs, unaware that she has none. Breaking from routine she goes back inside, ordering a piece of pumpkin bread, picking the seeds for her self.

Like Snow White in the magical forest, the birds flock, singing just for her. Thirteen gather and eat crumbs at her feet; two on the table, one brave chickadee perched proudly on her knee.

Today was quite different, breaking from routine; embracing the world she found her self in, deciding she might just stay for a spell; laughing out loud, showing traces of her true self, gathering her belongings, she left with a smile…

Autumn Sage

23 October 2008

They met in a little antique shop. She’d just picked up and started examining a brass stamp box when he came up behind her and said, “Best to be careful; things aren’t always what they seem.” She turned slowly, to see who the masculine voice with the slow, sultry drawl belonged to; her heart tripping in her chest as her eyes met his and held. He smiled and reached for the box, “They sold three just like it last week,” took it from her and set it back on the table.

“If you want to hunt for some real treasures there’s a few not to be missed shoppes out along Route 9; plus the drive is a scenic knockout this time of year.” As she was considering him and his bit of advice, he took her by the hand and led her outside; she followed without a word, or a moment’s hesitation.

They spent three days and two nights meandering through the countryside, forests and mountain villages of Vermont, with no cares, no constraints of time and no plan; just digging the countryside and each other. He was unlike anyone she’d ever met. His ideals and philosophies sparked her thoughts and imagination like nothing or no one had done before; obviously having mingled within the upper echelon of intelligentsia, yet down to earth, genuine and real; a combination not often found.

His energy was infectious; his touch therapeutic and healing; and his uncanny knowledge of past events and talk of a certain future made her wonder if he weren’t perhaps a wandering mystic Sage from one of the villages they’d passed along the way, as he was well familiar with the area and many secret places contained therein. Just as she was gathering the courage to ask, his demeanor changed, as if someone had flipped a switch and he told her it was time to return.

He was suddenly very silent, but for giving directions that led back to Route 9, until they passed the sign that read, “Welcome to Brattleboro,” and that’s when his dark side emerged. He began talking of death, suicide and the shithole of life, of which no one escapes unscathed. On and on he droned; nothing whatsoever like the man she believed she was coming to know.

He warned her of the sharp bend up ahead and that there would be a large wrought iron gate on the right, just past the strand of oaks. She slowed her speed and pulled into the hidden drive; an elaborately scrolled sign above the gate read, Brattleboro Retreat. She wondered if perhaps he’d changed his mind and decided to stay with her a while longer; as her mind imagined them enjoying a few languid days at what appeared to be an exclusive Vermont Inn.

Such was not the case, as they approached the small building where the guards were posted and she was escorted to a parking area off to the side by one of the guards, as he was physically removed from the car and restrained by the other. “There’s no need to question her, she knows nothing,” she heard him say to the guard, as she demanded to know from the other just what the hell was going on.

She was quickly informed that the gentleman whose company she was in was in fact an escapee. She shot the guard a look of confusion as she shook her head, “You mean a prisoner?” she demanded. “No ma’am; not a prisoner, a resident of the retreat.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” she replied. The guard looked at her sympathetically and said, “This is Brattleboro Retreat, ma’am; the Vermont Asylum for the Insane.”

Her heart sank in her chest and a chill crept up her spine as he called out her name and she slowly turned and met his eyes one last time. “I warned you to be careful,” he said with a cynical grin, “Things aren’t always what they seem…..”

For Gidget

21 October 2008

We are more than what we do
Much more than we accomplish
Far more than what we possess

Looking round…

19 October 2008

Young wanna-be Fashionista’s; too cliché for a sleepy little mountain town; totally inappropriate attire, given the location and season; alabaster skin, never having been kissed by the sun.

Texting – talking – smoking; meaningless, clueless, not even inhaling; all for show, impressing no one; as she was the only one watching.

Mugs of spiced cider in lieu of a latte; would no doubt choke on her quad-shot espresso; movers and shakers with nowhere to go; on the cusp of life with no significant experience to call their own. Silly girls driven by ego; wouldn’t even know what that means. Will leave the café, walkabout town, come back tomorrow and do it all again.

And there she sits, having lived twice as long; still trying to figure it out, Nietzsche beside her laptop, doing his great mind a disservice? Too many experiences, enough to share around; not wishing half of them, on even her greatest enemy.

Which has always been her self…

Sunday Scribblings

18 October 2008

#133 – My Style

In life and writing….

Macabre
Yearnful

Simplistic
Tenacious
Yielding
Labyrinthal
Eclectic

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